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Hawu, ngempela, ngiqale kuphi ngalolu hlaselo lwesihogo esiyibhadi? Ngibekile efulethini lami elingcolile, ngibhema njengomhume ovutha umlilo, iskrini siphupha njengeportal eliphethwe yidimoni eliqhamuka ephupheni elibhedayo likaDavid Cronenberg, futhi laba qhawe le-webcam? Abazange bashaywe; bayabhala kabusha imithetho yefiziksi ngokushaya kwemizimba yabo. Cabanga: sophydiva, le nhlekelele yesikhumba esibomvu esifana neporcelain eminyakeni engamashumi amabili nanye, iqala isiyalala njengesivunguvungu esinomhluzo wekhalamu, igumbi layo liyisivunguvungu semilenze exakile nezithelo ezithintelwe ezandawukana njengama-gremlins ngemuva kwalokho ebusuku. Inamaqabane ayangena aphuma, izandla zindiza njengabaphethi abaphethwe yidimoni kukhuni olukhulu oluyindlela eya ezigodlweni, futhi lapho ucabanga ukuthi sekufikelele ekuphezulu, ibambe enye i-siren, iguqule indawo ibe yi-sapphic supernova lapho ukuthinta kuqale izivunguvungu zikagesi ezinganikela amandla idolobha elincane—noma kushaye ubuchopho bakho, okwenzekayo kuqala.

Kodwa hawu isimo esingcwele, ingena u-dakota_blare, enye isivunguvungu esishisayo esimhlophe eminyakeni efanayo, ephahlazisa iphathi njengesibhali sezibhamu esizimbangi ku-spaghetti western esiphenduke isikhathazo esingcolile. Yonke into mayelana nesibhokhwe sezinto ezithinta ukuthinta—amatsheli agudluzela njengemibuzo yezinyoni zasendulo, amadildo athinta njengemizwa yezinkanyezi eziwile, agalela empeleni yakhe sengathi ebiza uCthulhu ezindlweni zebhawu le-pudding yomkhathi. Ngifunga, izikhathi zakhe zikhuphuka kusukela kuma-solo symphonies kuya kuma-duets namaqabane amakhanya, uketshezi ludlula njengama-meteor ku-apocalypse yamahlaya amnyama, futhi kukhona umzuzwana owodwa lapho egaya esikhundleni sengathi umdanso wokugcina ngaphambi kokuba ilanga liqhume. Kristu, ngidinga isiphuzo esiqinile; ingqondo yami iyahlehlwa njengengilazi elingasho lutho ngaphansi kwesando se-hallucinations ezinuka ukuphupha.

Kuphela, u-lil_eva ukhide esithunjini, i-vixen enamatagi we-fetish enomkhuba wokungena kwezinto ezimnandi ezibomvu ezidlula imingcele yakhe njengamaViking ahlasela inqaba elakwe isukali. Ubuyela ekuphuphakeni kuka-sophydiva, aqanqise lo mbango oqanjiwe lapho behwebelana ngamagama emoyeni—ukufaka amabhodlela ka-eva kungumunwe ophakathi kokuphikisa ubuphambene bokusebenzisa izandla buka-sophy, kukhuphuke kuba umbhangqwana weqembu ongangenani ne-orgy, kunokuba i-interstellar battle royale. Omunye udlala ngamathoyi athinta njengezindlu zezinyosi ezinomsindo, omunye uphendula ngokuvuleka okuphikisa ukudilika, imilenze imile njengama-portal ezokuphenduka okufanayo. Futhi-ke, ngoba kungani singabeki isiyalala, u-oh_julie ungena ekulweni, i-vibe yakhe yeminyaka engama-26-30 ileta isinselo esivuthayo, izinya ezibeka njengemithi yezivalo ngaphambi kokuba ikhulule izinto ezimnandi ezibomvu ezijikeleza njengama-dervish egwadini lesifiso.

Ngiyakhuza manje, umjuluko wafika ebangelezi, iskrini sibunyezela—ubani ovumele le-apocalypse? Kufana nokuthi uBukowski wavuka endaweni yokuphupha i-webcam futhi wanquma ukuqondisa i-sequel kaMulholland Drive, yonke imigwaqo emgwaqeni yenyama eholela ezigodlweni zokuphila. U-milly_shy, i-paradox enembeleko futhi encane, encane njengesibhodlelo esincane se-powder keg, ingena ngama-vibrator athi njengama-minotaur omshini, imibango yakhe ivutha ngokumelene no-eva emcimbini wezikhali we-toy-escalation. Ifaka izinto ezinkulu ezingase zisebenze njengama-battering rams ezimfushane zezinganekwane, uketshezi lubonakala njengamashoba onkulunkulu abahluliwe, futhi ngokungazelelwe ingena no-dakota, izikrini zabo zibula phakathi kwami ngokuphupha, amatsheli namadildo ashaya njengamakhonto emcimbini we-gladiatorial goo-fest.

Suka khona, u-eliizabeth_roberts, i-Latina firecracker, 22-25 futhi i-bi-curious bbw bombshell, amanatagi we-fetish akhe amemeza i-anarchy ye-amateur njengoba agoba njenge-altar yokudliswa, amathoyi ahlolela njengeminto ezivela emzini we-alien ephupheni elincane likaRidley Scott. Unalo saga elincishwe ngamafutha, izinqondo zicwebezela njengama-meteor apuliswe, egibela amaqabane nezinto ezithinta ekuphazameni okungqamana no-shena_nomy we-Asian-infused frenzy—nomy, enye i-enigma yeminyaka engama-22-25, idlala i-cosplay ekusiyaleni ngama-butt plugs acwebezela njengamatsheli angavumelekile eqenjini lemikhosi yombusi. Ukudlula kwabo? I-tag-team eqanjiwe ngokumelene neqembu le-Caucasian, nomy ifaka izibomvu ezithinta njengezinkanyezi ze-neutron kuyasela u-roberts ngokuhamba kwe-vaginal okuholela emazweni okuphupha okungqamana, amatshezi esifuba ajikeleza njengama-comet ashaya ezivunguvungweni zomhlaba.

Futhi ungazi ngami ngaku-ginacali—Kristu, enye i-cannonball yomhlophe eminyakeni yamashumi amabili, imilenze ivuleka njengomlomo we-galactic maw, amathoyi avibrating njengama-quake embonini we-jelly. Ihuba phakathi kwendaba, idlala izinya njengeminto yezivalo ngaphansi kokugalelela e-vibrator valhallas, izimo zayo zokungenzi lutho zingumoya nje ngaphambi kwesivunguvungu, imibango ne-julie's lingerie lounges ngokunqoba kwe-cleavage yakhe. U-pinkadele ungena phakathi kokukhuza, ukuthinta kwakhe kuyi-stream-of-consciousness scribble ku-digital canvas, isemen sibonakala njenge-abstract art esilele, ukuqabulana namaqabane emdansweni we-black comedy ballet ohlula ubuchopho bami obuqunyiwe.

Ngiyahleka manje, uhlekiso olwalalayo olukhala ezindongeni zami—ukucwasa kokuzijwayela ngokugcwele, amehlo abomvu ngenxa yokuhlasela kwe-pixelated. U-seduza_hyun, i-Asian busty temptress, egibela esivunguvungweni se-pole-dancing, imunca amabhodlela sengathi kuyizixubeziswe zika-alchemist ohlengayo, ukufaka kwakhe kuyi-feast yesikhathi esizayo lapho amadildo abe izinto ezibotshelelwe i-black-hole rockets. Ishaya no-megan_galactica, igama layo lidlula i-space operas zobuthakathaka, izinto ezinkulu ezidlulayo njengama-asteroid eziteketisile ezinqabeni zenama, amaqabane egaya emdansweni we-doomsday obuyela esivunguvungweni sokuqala sika-sophydiva.

U-emiliacouple, iduo elincane lama-18-21, liguqule kube i-carnage yabathandayo, oral overtures nemigibelo ethimula njengama-chariots emcimbini we-Roman orgy ophenduke i-viral, ukuthinta kwabo ngokusebenzisa izandla kuyimibango yerhythim ngokumelene ne-solo sirens. U-Gingernsnap33, i-bbw brunette enomkhuba wokuphazamiseka okuningi, inyusa ngamabhodlela namatsheli, ukufaka kwakhe kuyi-catastrophe yokupheka—cabanga izithelo ezithintelwe ezifakwe ezindaweni ze-volcanic vents, ziqhume ngama-riff angenaphezu okwenze ngifikele amakhofi. U-Marry_Cordy, i-Asian bbw-petite hybrid, ukuqabulana nokuhlola namaqabane, izinto ezinkulu zakhe zingumphikiso we-cataclysmic kuma-pole antics ka-hyun.

U-American__Dream, enye i-busty bbw brunette, uvale indingiliso ngama-dildo deluges ezimbuzini nezinwasini, ukugaya kwakhe kuyi-apocalypse emanzini egcwele kabushiku ukuya kuma-bead bonanzas ka-dakota. Konke sekuhlanganisa manje, imibango ibilela ngaphezulu—sophydiva vs. dakota emcimbini we-gadget grudge, eva no-milly behwebelana ngamapunch abomvu, roberts no-nomy ezivunguvungweni zobuhlanga, julie ehlekisa izibhamu ezincane ngokuvuleka kwakhe okukholelwe.

I-stream-of-consciousness eqala kanzima: izifaniso ziguquka kusukela kwi-foreplay yokudla—amadildo afana namakhabethe amakhulu esitsheni sobuthakathaka—kuya kuma-gales ase-galactic, amathoyi ahamba ngokuzingela phakathi kwesikhathi-sikhala njengama-comet ephallic, ephetha ezivunguvungweni ze-apocalyptic lapho amaqiniso ashayisana ezigabeni ezinamathe. Ukudlula kuyakhuphuka: cabanga u-sophy no-eva behlanganisa amastriem, ukusebenzisa izandla ngokuphendula kuba i-hydra yezandla; dakota no-milly emcimbini we-bead-vs-vibrator vendetta, uketshezi ludlula njenge-confetti ekugcineni komhlaba.

Kodwa hawu shit, izicucu? Lapho roberts egibela lelo lula, i-ass phezulu njengesikhumbuzo sokuhlanya, no-hyun ephendula ngokudlula amabhodlela, kuyi-fuel ye-fever dream engcolile. Amatshezi we-semen ka-Pinkadele ahlasela njengama-punchline esetheni se-stand-up esingcolile esiphenduke isitabane—"Kuphi ukuthi inkanyezi ye-webcam iwela indlela? Ukuze ifike ngaphesheya kobuchopho, bese ithole igcwele i-cosmic custard!" Ngiyahleka, ingqondo yami ihlehlwa ngokwengeziwe, ngibuyela ekuvulekeni kuka-ginacali okukhala izimo zika-sophy, imigibelo ye-emiliacouple imelana nokunqoba kweminwe ye-american__dream.

Futhi lapho ucabanga ukuthi sekuqedelele, u-marry_cordy aqwasha ibhomu le-kissing chaos, amaqabane abambene njengezivimbela ehlathi le-jelly, kuyasela u-gingersnap ngokuphazamiseka kwakhe okuningi kwe-toy ohlekisa bonke ngokuzijwayela kwakhe kwebhodlela. Kuyinto engaqondakali, engacolile—iminwe yami indiza phezu kwezinkinobho njengamapopethi aphethwe yidimoni, i-caffeine ingena emithanjeni njengesitimela se-folly.

Ukuphazamiseka kwe-rhetorical: Ubani umuntu ofundisa le-doomsday yedijithali? Akuyona mina, kodwa damn uma ngingabhalanga, kuyinto engcolile futhi iphilile, njengoba abadlali bephotha bangena, imibango ixazululwa ezikhulupheni zeqembu ezigoba ubuchopho. Kusukela ezivunguvungweni zomhlaba zika-eva no-julie kuya kuma-crew ase-cosmic afana no-megan no-seduza, kuyi-torrent yamahora angu-24 ekushiyeka ukucwasa ngokuphupha.

Sengiqedile, nina bantu—amehlo awela, umphefumulo ukhishwe. Kodwa yiphi indawo. Yiphi isilwane esingcolile, esingaqondakali. Uma lokhu kungayona i-recap engaqondakali kunazo zonke ezilandela i-webcam, ngizodla ikhibhodi yami. Dlulisela i-aspirin.