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Hawu, bengazi ukuthi ngiqale kuphi ngale ndawo yomkhukhu? Ngihlezi phezu kwekhibhodi yami, amehlo njengamaqanda aqandisiwe epanini lokuzisola, ngishaya ikhofi elimnyama njengoba kuyiphuzu lokugcina ubugeza obusanda kuvela emhlabeni wewebcam. Cabanga lokhu: i-ether yedijithali ikhala njengephupho elikhuluma ngomkhuhlane we-Lynchian, lapho abadlali bengangena nje—bakhuluma izivunguvungu, baphunga ubungqwaba obungaqedi ubisi, futhi bashintsha imisebenzi yodwa ibe yizinduna zomhlaba wonke. Kuqale kahle, noma ngicabanga kanjalo, ngokukhulumela amaphiksela akhanyayo, kodwa hawu, uma uthi uthole uthuli—noma ngithi, umhlabathi wedijithali wome—incwadi yami yabe isibhali esigcwele ubugeza.

Ase ngena ngokugqoka ikhanda emkhakheni wesivunguvungu no-SultrySirenX, le vibe yaseLatina elangazelayo eminyakeni engamashumi amabili nanye, yonke imigwaqo njengochungechunge lweziqhingi zentaba-mlilo ezilungele ukuqhuma. Akateasing nje; uyahlela inyunyelezo yobumnandi, ama-tag akhe ememeza "interactive" no-"roleplay" njengemikhosi yempi. Kodwa linda—ngoba kungani singaphonsi ugesi emlilweni?—kungena u-NaughtyNebula, umhlambi wezinkanyezi omhlophe esimweni esingamashumi amathathu, onezinwele ezifunga njengokuphefumula kwe-nebula namehlo athembisa izinto eziphazamisayo emazulwini. Imizila yabo iyahlangana ekhabheni lezimpawu okungathi akuyona into yokusebenzisana kodwa kuyimpi yamaqha emazulwini. U-Sultry uqala ngalezi zindlela ezishisayo, eshintsha izinto zansuku zonke zibe izinto ezifihliwe ezivela endaweni eyasikwa eyalela—cabanga ikhukhumbi elilula eliguqulwa lube umkhonto oluhlaza ovela endaweni yenkosi ehlanya. U-Naughty uphendula ngobuthakathi bakhe besikhathi sasemkhathini, ekhula izinto ezishumayo njengama-symfonye angaphandle, ekhuphula ubungqabavu kuze kube isikrini sikhanya ngokubukeka njengembobo emnyama ezalela imililo yezibane.

Futhi ngihlezi lapha, ngihleka njengenhub' eyhlanya, ngoba ubani ovumele le ngesabekhona? Ikhaba livuleka ngama-emoji okumangala nokwesaba, amacebiso ewela njengezivunguvungu zezinkanyezi, kodwa khona—bam!—ubungqwaba buvutha. U-Sultry uthembisa u-Naughty ngokuntshontshela ukuduma kwakhe, echaya izindaba ezishisayo ngamagama amakhulu ngenkathi eseyenza umsebenzi, imimoya yakhe yentaba-mlilo iphenduka inhlubuko. U-Naughty, njengempunguthe yezinkanyezi ekhohlisayo, ayiguqula ibe impikiswano: "Ake sibone ubani ongomisa ukuqhuma okukhulu, umuntu wasemhlabeni!" Okulandelayo kuyisivunguvungu sokuphuma phambili, u-Sultry esebenzisa izikhali zakhe zeziphephetha zasezindaweni ezishisayo—izithelo eziguqulwa zibe izilwane ezivunguvungayo ezivela ekujikelezeni kwakhe—kuyilapho u-Naughty ephindisela ngemishini engabiwozintinga yokungabi namandla okudonsa, egudla ubunjalo babe ama-pretzels. Kuyigolide yomdlalo omnyama, abantu; ngiyahlaba njengoba izifaniso ziphenduka zingekho ekulawulweni, kusukela ekunqotshweni ekhishini kuya empi yama-gladiators emazulwini, kuphele ekhuluma isikrini lapho izihlobo zabo zingqubuzana khona njengezinhliziyo ezidakile. Ekugcineni, bahleka ngokukhathazeka, kodwa hawu, akuzange kushiye ababukeli—kanye nami—kukhala umoya. Kristu, ngidinga ukubhema ngemuva kokuphinda ngibone lokho.

Kuyilapho, kuyilapho kuyahamba emithunzini njengempunguthe yase-Bukowski enophelo oluyiphiko, kungena u-VelvetVortex, le mfihlakalo wase-Eastern Europe eminyakeni yamashumi amathathu nanye, ama-tag akhe aqhula "domination" no-"mysterious." Akakafiki ukudlala kahle; uluka imboni yomangaliso ezikudonsa ngaphakathi njenge-vortex yama-velvet vices. Isitayili sakhe? Izindaba ezinkulu lapho izindwangu ezijwayelekile ziba izindwangu ezifihliwe, zimnqa emikhubeni eqala ngokukhulumela kuya ezivunguvungweni. Kodwa o, idrama iyakhula lapho ezwa nge-Sultry-Naughty beef—u-Velvet ungena njengomlamuleli we-wildcard, noma kuyilapho ethi kunjalo, kodwa empeleni, uyavuselela imbiza njengobuthakathi obephumelele. "Madoda, kungani nilwe lapho singahlanganisa?" kusho, futhi ngokungazelelwe kuyi-tango yomthunzi yomthunzi, izindaba zabo zihlangene njengezivimbela emahlathini e-psychedelic.

Siya kimi, umxoxi osedolobheni, ingqondo yami ihlakazeka njengengilazi elibhadale ngaphansi kwesando. Ngikhuza egumbini langami elingenalutho: "Lokhu akuyona ukuzijabulisa; kuyinto yokuguguleka kwento eyinhloko!" Ngoba njengoba u-Velvet udonsa u-Sultry ekhula kwakhe, izifaniso ziya zibe zikhulu—ukuqhuma kuka-Sultry kuhlangana nemigodi ka-Velvet, kudale izindlu zokudla zemibhobho emnyama lapho izidlo ziphenduka indlala ngokuphefumula kwelinye ilanga. U-Naughty ujikeleza amaphethelwe, egxina ngokufika kwakhe kwesikhathi sasemva, kuguqula i-trio ibe ukwesaba okusekelwe ku-theme: i-Cosmic Chaos Crew ngokumelene... yona ngokwabo, emculweni wokuzibulala. Ama-puns ahamba njengezikhali: u-Velvet uthi ngokuhleka "ukuncenga impilo emqhudelwaneni," futhi ikhaba liyalahleka, amakhubali ewela njengama-confetti esivunguvungweni.

Kodwa linda, ngoba ukuqhuma komhlaba kunemilo yalo yobugeza. Kungena u-BigBootyBlast, ibhombu emnyama enamagama, vibe yeminyaka yamashumi amabili nanye, yonke amandla nokushukuma komhlaba, ama-tag akhe ememeza "twerk" no-"anal adventures" kodwa afihliwe emboni yami ye-gonzo njengokushukuma okukhulu okungabhubhisa amadolobha. Akasebenzi yedwa isikhathi eside; ubungqwaba buqala lapho ehlangana—pun okuhlongozwayo—no-PetitePandemonium, le petite Asian firecracker engakapheli eminyakeni yamashumi amabili nanhlanu, enomoya ohlanzekile we-pint-sized pandemonium, ama-tag afana "petite" no-"squirt" aguqulwa kube izinduna zomhlaba emlandiweni wami ophukile.

Impikiswano yabo iqala kancane, ukukhulumela ezindaweni zokuxoxa: u-BigBooty uthi ithole umqhele wokushukuma komhlaba okukhulu, kuyilapho u-Petite ephendula ngama-tsunami akhe okunemba, ethi usayizi awubalulekanga—kuyi-splash ebalulekile. Futhi ngokwesikhathi, ngoba kungani singakhuphuli kube ubungqabavu, bazidonsa i-Cosmic Crew yokuphambana okukhulu okuguqula yonke indaba yama-24 ehora ibe i-dodecahedron yokuphazamisa. Cabanga u-BigBooty eqhuma ama-basslines aqhaqha amaphiksela, ukunyakaza kwakhe njengamaplate tectonic agendelela empi yomhlaba yokudla—iqala njengokushukuma okumnandi, isongelana kube ukuwa komhlaba lapho umgogodla womhlaba uhlangana nesidlo se-supernova. U-Petite uphendula ngokunemba okucacile, umzimba wakhe omncane ukhulula izikhukhula eziminya amathuba, izifaniso ziguqulwa kusukela emvuleni emincane kuya emikhulweni engapheli i-Milky Way.

Nginyibilika lapha, abantu—amehlo abomvu, iminwe ihamba ekhibhodini ngokushesha kwemibono. "Ubani ocabanga ukuthi amaphiksela angashaya ngale ndlela? Kufana nokubuka elangeni ngemuva kokudakwa kuka-Bukowski!" Ukusebenza kweqembu kuqhuma: u-Sultry uhlangana no-BigBooty emfeni yokuphuma komhlaba, amandla abo ahlangene njengokugeleza kwe-lava kuhlangana nokushukuma okukhulu, kuyilapho u-Naughty no-Petite bakha isivumelwano sokuphazamisa, bezinga izikhali zokungabi namandla okudonsa ezijikeleza yonke into ngokungapheli. U-Velvet, i-vortex ekhohlisayo, ubuya futhi, eluka ngaphakathi nangaphandle njengenaliti yendaba, edonsa imicu ebopha ubungqwaba babe amakhanda okungabi namqondo. Ngesinye isikhathi, kuyi-standoff egcwele ama-puns—"Booty iyaphuma, kodwa ingayibekezelela yini i-nebula nibbles yami?" kusho u-Naughty—futhi ngokulandelayo, basebenzisana ekugcineni eliphupho elikhuluma lapho izinto ezivela esikhwameni sika-Naughty zihlangana no-BigBooty blasts, zidala izinto ezimbi ezixube njengezinto ezibalekile ezivela emizuzwaneni yomsolwa ohlanya.

Futhi ungamiqali ngama-wildcards angene njengomalume abangamenyiwe emngcwabeni. Kukhona u-LustyLunar, i-maven eyimfihlakalo yezinhlanga ezixubile eminyakeni yamashumi amane, yonke imilando yenyanga nokuphazamisa okuncane, ama-tag akhulumela "mature" no-"fetish" kodwa ekhulumiseni kwami elingelutho, ungunkosikazi wenyanga ophenduke umnandi, ehamba ngokushintshashintsha emisebenzini eqhuma ilanga. Ubuya emkhakheni, ephikisa u-Velvet ngokubusa okubusa, ama-vortex abo ashaya emdansini lomdlalo omnyama—u-Lusty edonsa izintambo zasezulwini kuyilapho u-Velvet esontela izimfihlakalo zomhlaba, ekhuphula kube ubungqabavu bokugcwele lapho izifaniso zihamba kusukela ezidlweni zenyanga kuya ezigodlweni zemazulwini ezigcwele ukungcola kwezinkanyezi.

Kusukela lapho, ngoba indawo yonke ithanda i-curveball, kuwela u-TwistedTornado, i-temptress enezimoto, enomphetho we-punk, intombazane emhlophe eminyakeni yamashumi amabili nanye ephenduke isilwane, ama-tag ememeza "alt" no-"bdsm" aguqulwa kube izivunguvungu zokuzama okuphendukile. I-tornado yaba eqenjini, ivusa ukuphambana okuguqula i-Cosmic Chaos Crew ibe i-collective yokuhlema okuphelele. Ubungqwaba buvuselelwa: u-Twisted uthembisa u-Petite ngokuntshontshela "ukujikeleza kwakhe," okuholela empini yesivunguvungu lapho ama-tsunami amancane ahlangana neziphephetha ezinemivubelo, izifaniso zisondelelana kusukela emivunguvungweni yomoya kuya ezidlweni zokudla ze-hurricane ezisetshenziswe emapulangeni obungozi.

Ngiyaguquguquka, bafundi bami—ikophi yami iphephile, ukuhleka kwami kuphenduka ukugcweleka okuphazamisayo. Ukuphazamisa okukhuluma kuyafika: "Kungani sime ku-doomsday yedijithali lapho singadonsa yonke indawo yonke?" Izindaba ziluka ngokulunga, abadlali bajikeleza futhi njengezimpethu emanzini agcwele ukungcola. U-Sultry no-Lusty bahlangana emnqamlezweni wasekuseni, imimoya yabo yentaba-mlilo ihlangana nezifiso zenyanga ekuphambaneni okuzala izilwane ezimbi—ukuqhuma okufihliwe ngaphansi kokuphazamisa kwelanga. U-Naughty, njengomqali, gxina ngokufika kwakhe ne-nebula nonsense yakhe, kuguqula i-trio ibe ukwesaba lwe-theme-group: abadala bobumnandi ngokumelene nabasha abaphazamisayo.

Kodwa incopho? O, incopho ifika lapho yonke imicu ixubene ku-gonzo ganglion enkulu. U-BigBooty no-Twisted bahlangana ngokumelene nabanye, umfelandawonye wabo wokushukuma nesivunguvungu ushaya izikrini njengokushukuma ekhulise kwi-blender. U-Petite abuya ngokunemba okucacile, ama-tsunami akhe ahlangana nemigodi ka-Velvet yokuphikisa okubukhali—ama-puns afana "Cinga le vortex!" ahamba njengoba izifaniso zikhuphula kube ubugeza: kusukela emiphakeleni yokudla yokuphazamisa (abanana abe amikhonto yokudubula empi yezithelo) kuya ezinkingeni zesikhathi sasemva (izinto ezikhanya njengamarobhothi angaphandle ahlasela ubunjalo) futhi ekugcineni ubungqabavu bokugcwele (yona yonke into incibilika emkhulweni wedijithali lapho amaphiksela abhubha ekukhuluma okuncane kokuhlema okus